I'd rather spend my time at work...

I've noticed from the beginning towards the end of my pregnancy, my idea of work has changed significantly. I would rather spend my time working. Ya know, like doing something productive. When I first got pregnant, I was scared that the excess of time that I spent there would be a detriment to my health, let along exhausting.

Come to find, it isn't terribly exhausting at all. Don't get me wrong, being on my feet all day does become tiresome. But I really enjoy being there, talking to people about life, and working hard for something that I really enjoy.... Food!

I spent 12+ hours today at work. Yah. I know, right? 8 hours bar tending, the other 4 hours working on an art project that I do every period. Even though, it's arts and crafts, it's still pretty annoying when things don't turn out the way I want them to. I don't know, I am tempted to try and get a different job after this little monster is born, but who knows... if my current employer proves to be worth my time... I just might stay. For the time being, I'll keep my mouth shut and work hard...

My absentmindedness has started to kick in, as well. Little things like, forgetting to label fruits for work. Forgetting to put the milk back in the fridge after eating silverware... Really stupid juvenile stuff that wouldn't be a problem if my intelligence wasn't being sapped by this little baby. Once he get's here, I'm sure it won't improve much, either. We'll see. Maybe I shouldn't blame my stupidity on anyone but myself.

Well, that's it for me tonight. I would like to write more, but I have a bit of laundry to fold before I can see the quilt on my bed.... I should get to that before I do anything else on this ever-so-distracting internet.

<3

WOW. Okay, I effin' completely forgot about Blogger. Haaaa, wow.

So much has happened in the last few months, it isn't even funny. Looking back on it all there is quite a bit I'd like to change, but no life is perfect, right? Of course not.

I honestly can't not live here. I belong on the west coast. Any other place seems like the only area in the world where I really feel a sense of belonging. Despite the fact that non of my biological family lives here, I have a strong connection with my close friends. They are my family.

I am grateful for what I have, even if it isn't a whole lot of anything. A roof over my head, a job that I can stand, a boyfriend who loves me and has stayed by my side despite EVERYTHING that had gone terribly wrong, an unborn baby boy growing in my belly... My son... He is going to be the best birthday present I have ever gotten ever. I can't wait to meet him. Believe me, I am terrified. Of doing something wrong.... Of all sorts of little things, and I think that's natural... What if he doesn't like me? I know in my heart I can be a good mother... It takes experience, right?

I have fallen in love with afternoon naps, ice cream, movies from Red Box, Pandora Radio, picking out baby clothes and not buying them.... There is so much going on in my life I can't help but be excited and scared for the future. I just really hope I don't mess this up...

There is so much I've read through in these past entries that was so far from the truth. Just an angry me, hoping to find an escape for some sort of decreased sense of self.

I think my baby wants some ice cream... I should appease his craving, no?


More to come, soon. I hope.