WOW. Okay, I effin' completely forgot about Blogger. Haaaa, wow.

So much has happened in the last few months, it isn't even funny. Looking back on it all there is quite a bit I'd like to change, but no life is perfect, right? Of course not.

I honestly can't not live here. I belong on the west coast. Any other place seems like the only area in the world where I really feel a sense of belonging. Despite the fact that non of my biological family lives here, I have a strong connection with my close friends. They are my family.

I am grateful for what I have, even if it isn't a whole lot of anything. A roof over my head, a job that I can stand, a boyfriend who loves me and has stayed by my side despite EVERYTHING that had gone terribly wrong, an unborn baby boy growing in my belly... My son... He is going to be the best birthday present I have ever gotten ever. I can't wait to meet him. Believe me, I am terrified. Of doing something wrong.... Of all sorts of little things, and I think that's natural... What if he doesn't like me? I know in my heart I can be a good mother... It takes experience, right?

I have fallen in love with afternoon naps, ice cream, movies from Red Box, Pandora Radio, picking out baby clothes and not buying them.... There is so much going on in my life I can't help but be excited and scared for the future. I just really hope I don't mess this up...

There is so much I've read through in these past entries that was so far from the truth. Just an angry me, hoping to find an escape for some sort of decreased sense of self.

I think my baby wants some ice cream... I should appease his craving, no?


More to come, soon. I hope.