Damar's Sunrise Farm

I could never get sick of this place. The fact that there is so much beauty here. And space to think. I couldn't ask for anything better in a time when I can't decipher the things that I've created for myself, and the things that just happen.

The sunrises and peeks into the bedroom window at 5:00, or just a bit later. Roosters are crowing outside in the yard. 15 acres of openness and freedom, waiting to be explored. Three horses, Jury, Reignera, and Seattle Red, run out in the gated pastures. The hens lay eggs, and we've got 8 new baby chicks hanging out in a cardboard box in the Great Room here in the house. The names of the new additions have yet to be determined... But they're all adorable. Lovelace, Sophia, Mumbles... I don't remember the names of the other 5... but they're all lovely either way.

The cats, Tabitha, Sketch, Amensia, and Buffy all have wonderful personalities. Sketch, the only male of the bunch, seems like he would be quite the gentlemen if he were human. Many times when I look at him, he reminds me of Hugh Grant. Or, Russel Crowe. You know, the kind of guy that would bow to you and pull you chair out when you went to dinner. Amensia is the prissy princess of the group, finding a bed in any chair or lap and expects you to pet her when she arrives there. Sweet and cuddly, however, she is one of my favorites. Tabitha, is the coolest cat of the four. She sits on the ledge next to the sink and watches people make food. Very calm and centered, she'll bump heads with you as a sign of affection. She and I get along wonderfully. Tabitha is sitting in my lap now, purring loudly, stretched across my legs. Buffy is pretty much the Anti-Christ. We call her Buffy, The Kitty Slayer. She's killed two of our other cats, as she is extremely territorial and does not like it when new felines arrive to the house. My two cats, when we moved them from Goffstown to here in Grafton, were murdered by this vicious beast of a feline. RIP, Rikku and Mateo.

As for the rest of the house, David, the only Man here, aside Sketch and Seattle, sees this place as his palace and he is the King. He is cordial to all his guests and comforting to all those who need it. Amazing man, and I love him dearly. My mother rules all and there isn't much to say about her aside from the fact that she is my best friend and I tell her that everyday.

I love it here. And I wouldn't leave. If I could take it with me whereever I go, I would. There are only so many in the world that do this for me... Take me out of my element. Mom said it best the other day, "This place takes you out of yourself and forces you to be alone, with yourself." It's true. You have no other option. You must be you. Period.

Love it.


/sigh.

I need to get back to work. Time for Web programming. Mmmmm. Not!

Blegh.

I have felt like this all day.

This is a face of someone who is so apathetic. And so distanced from herself and her surroundings.



This is not who I really am.











Unfortunately, there really isn't much that I can do about any of this right now. More than absurd is the fact that I have a paper due in less than 12 hours. I have a job orientation in 8 hours. And I should sleep for at least 4 hours. But knowing me... I won't go to bed for another 45 minutes. I will rummage through old pictures, and cry.

I don't like feeling this way.
I don't like knowing that there is something wrong and I just have to

wait it out

for it to get better.


I will be alright.
But I must give myself time.
C'est la vie.


Yes.
Such is life.

are you ready for this?

i cant really say that i had a very productive day. it was more or less just a big jumbled mess of trying to figure myself out and decide what i really want out of my life. this life is so unpredictable and one thing that i am learning is to be grateful for spontaneity. it's hard enough as it is to not be positive in this world that is constantly changing.

i could honestly say that my life is going really well.
although i am really nervous about what is going to happen in the near future. i am ok with this. nothing is ever easy. nothing that you ever want is easy. i am so excited about the things that i want to do in the next 3-6 months.... i just need to know that what i'm doing is the right thing.

you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.


so...here goes.